…At The Grindstones











{June 10, 2010}   To Build a Dream On..

“Give me a kiss before you leave me,

And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss

Sweetheart, I ask no more than this,

A kiss to build a dream on…”

Today I went back to sleep after my usual 8am rising, and slept until noon. I find the dreams that I have when I sleep past my alarm , or even hit snooze for a short period of time can be more vivid and amazing than the dreams I have at night. I used to keep a dream diary, which is somewhat of a different story, but it allowed me to realize the meanings and reasonings behind the few recurring dreams and nightmares that I’ve had. I highly recommend it for anyone who is uncertain about certain significant dreams.

Anyway, in my morning dreaming I had an amazing experience with a friend of mine, slightly sexual but the main focus of it was the intimacy which we (they and I) do not have in our friendship. I think it was brought on by the fact that I rarely sleep in, and when I do, I am usually doing so to spend time in bed next to someone and enjoy the warmth and touch of another human being.

I think with summer coming on it’s something that I’m craving more often than not, oddly enough- someone to slow down with- to “stand still” with, as I’ve heard it called and its odd because even though it’s not something I am without, when I crave it , I REALLY crave it. It doesn’t have to be a sexual thing at all and in fact – that really shouldn’t be where it’s coming from… maybe that’s why I appreciate my “huggy” friends more these days, being in a place where company has meant so much more to me- for those of you who don’t know I’ve been under the weather, to put it mildly. Generally people don’t know how to handle sick people, and just avoid them- out of sight, out of mind, then they don’t need to feel guilty that they don’t know what to do to help. Of course, even if the sick person says no to the help, someone asking if they can help is gesture enough to feel remembered and cared for. But enough about that, my goal is not to focus on problems per se  in this blog, let alone my own hehe.

I think summer is a wonderful time especially to feel and share this kind of expression, since it can be more spontaneous as outdoors as well as indoors, people are more likely to give one of those lengthy hugs when it’s not completely freezing, to hold your hand or link your arm just because, as opposed to because they are afraid of slipping on an icy patch.

I think this has been on my mind for the past few days because someone surprised me….someone I didn’t know very well but who I have some people in common with gave me one of those extendo-hugs in a crowded room and I just let myself relax and felt like so many things melted away with that. If they choose to read this, don’t worry that I’m dwelling on this, it wouldn’t matter who it was.. it was awesome.

Now is the time to enjoy the fruits of our labour, the first harvest I think, the sweeter fruits of the garden and the fresh beans off the vine, the stuff that can be enjoyed raw let’s say as opposed to things that may give us lasting energy through the winter that we load up in the root cellar.. haha maybe I’m going out  on a limb with this metaphor but I find my energy comes in spurts in summer and I’ll go all out as long as I can.. where in the fall I am slow and steady.

The point being is these moments of sweetness, moments of stillness that we will get to share with others this summer, where the warm nights will keep them out with us longer, so we can have those extra conversations which reveal and allow those extra connections and that extra closeness that we might otherwise miss out on…and how in a GOOD way, not a super clingy way, we can build dreams on them,

In contrast I met a new person the other day who, in the first 10 minutes proceeded to tell me nothing about themselves and everything about their ex and their breakup, and how they refused to talk about their problems with them, and how I should disclose everything I am looking for in the perfect partner in crime… WHOA… how can I expect any person to fit into any mold that I create when we are all so different (Thankfully!), anyway, I “walked away slowly”, the comedic backaway…

The fact that I can’t read minds or hearts is what makes these little gestures so AMAZING, when you can’t see them coming.. so even if you never see that person again, that embrace, that kiss, that moment lying next to each other in the park staring at the sky when you had planned to go to a movie… I’m looking forward to the surprises.. SO AMAZING. So:

“Give me a kiss before you leave me,

And my imagination will feed my hungry heart

Leave me one thing before we part,

A kiss to build a dream on…”

KQ

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