…At The Grindstones











{July 11, 2010}   A Cool Breeze…


Without going into too much detail, I am in a position where.. I can feel something happening, something heating up, maybe under my ass to get me motivated, maybe in my heart in the sense of a returning passion for life, maybe a renewed faith in people, maybe just a cup of tea…

You know that kind that you really savor but it’s kind of hard to come by so it sits at the back of your shelf and you save it for special occasions or only want to share it with others? I’ve busted it out and I’m savoring every sip, kind of alone, but I’m not feeling lonely.


Somehow I’ve managed to, in certain situations of late, cut back on the amount that I give expecting something in return, and up the usage of the word no, and it’s been AMAZING. If you’ve read my other post you’ll know that I consider myself to be somewhat of a sponge that absorbs people’s pain, with somewhat of a personal need, somewhat therap. for me, to help people.. so.. it always freaks me out when I meet people that I can’t help. I know a few. Often times I help and support and then let them get back to it and then people get cranky when you aren’t fawning all over them but that’s another story..


Where was I, oh yes. I get a little nervous when I meet someone like that and I’ve met a few very recently. Usually it means that I keep my distance because they just don’t need me. But, some of these people are those people I was talking about in my Miracles post..and quite the opposite is happening. Perhaps because of the changes that I have made in myself this past year, or two.. It’s different, it’s not scary and it’s not the surrender I was talking about in my other post. I can honestly say that it’s probably pretty damn healthy.


I love meeting new people though, there is nothing like the new person high- getting excited over things your friends are tired of hearing about with someone new, and letting them do the same.. I have been pretty blessed with meeting so many people who say what they mean and mean what they say, and aren’t afraid to say it- knowing that I will still care, and vice versa.


There’s a cool breeze coming in the window which means a storm is coming. That’s exactly how I feel with the plans I’ve made for the next little while.. I feel like…

and like


Peace * Nourishment * Celebration * Cycles * Color * Passion * Travel

Are on the horizon. Not so much feel as Know, that I’m about to take off again. I know it’s coming in September.. and I know that summer is the time to enjoy the fruits of our labour and think a little about what we want to plant for the next year… since I’ve been ill I haven’t had the time to celebrate the 2 months of major accomplishment  and adventure that I had this year. I feel the lifting up of my heart in the sense of falling in love with the world again, after a period of depression and sadness, pain and negative heat that comes with it, solitude and loneliness, and lust for adventure, passion, color again. This is the heat that I want- the short bursts that make you take off and create and dance and those fantastic things that really make life worth living..

Also, two friends of mine who are soo much in love just got engaged, well, also were recently able to officially become engaged and they are so phenomenal together it warms my heart more than I will tell them directly. Two people to be so amazing together as they are- friends, lovers, partners, any pairing, any grouping of people that fits so well is a miracle in this world.. And so for them, and for you, I’ll leave you with some  Ancient Egyptian Love Songs:

“The love of my beloved is on yonder shore,

But the Nile would engulf my limbs,

For the waters are mighty at the time of the flood,

And a crocodile lurks at the bank.

But I shall go down to the water

And Plunge into the waves.

My heart is fearless on the flood,

And I have found that the crocodile is like a mouse

And the surface of the water like land to my legs.

***

It is her love that empowers me

And will be for me a spell against the water

For I see my heart’s beloved

Standing right before my face…

***

I found my lover on his bed

And my heart was more than happy

We said to each other

Never shall I be parted from you.

With my hand in yours

I shall wander with you

Through all the choice places.

***

Provide her with songs and dances

Wine and strong beer in her pavillion

You will arouse her passions

And fullfill them during this night.


She will say to you

“Take me into your embrace”

And when the dawn comes,

She will still be there.

***

Have we really changed all that much?

KQ

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Doc says:

🙂 It can only get better from here.



Exactly. And I can’t wait!



Jay says:

I learned perhaps a bit too late to tell people no, and not feel like a dick. It is hard to give a little bit of yourself to something, and then move on. Most people wind up feeling slighted, even though all you did was help.
I do love your eternal optimism regardless of what has been cast in your path. ❤



That’s what I’m saying. People can see in my face that I’m a sucker for caring for others and I don’t think I can change that.. but I am also learning late and I’m kind of glad that that was the case and that I haven’t always been.. a No Man.



Diana says:

Hey Sweetie! Excellent post! It’s wonderful reading you write from your heart and damn, yet again, I can relate to sooo much you state, it touches me deeply! I too have been learning a lot, and saying NO has definitely been one off them. Learning to love myself but to also step outside of myself and becoming passionate about other issues that not only impact me, but the world. I am feeling alive again and filled with HOPE!



Hhehe. Oh yes I think we go through a lot of similar things and I can see in you too recently that things are.. starting. We may not be able to feel where it is going yet but it’s like this- calm before the storm.. in a good way.. So glad to see you sticking up for what you believe in!



Neel says:

A cup of tea sounds good about now. 🙂
Storms are wonderful. Enjoy yours.



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