…At The Grindstones

{July 20, 2010}   Thought For The Day- Own Your Feelings

“A basic precept of intimate communication is that each person owns( his/)her own feelings. No one “makes” me feel jealous, or insecure- the person who makes me feel that way is me. This belief is not as easy as it sounds. When I feel rotten, it can be hard to accept the responsibility for how I feel: wouldn’t this be easier if it were your fault? Then maybe you could fix it, and if you can’t, well then maybe I can go ballistic and vent a little steam, burning you up in the process.

The problem is that when I blame you for how I feel, I disempower myself to accept myself and work towards feeling better. If this is your fault, you must be in control, right? So I can’t do anything but sit here and moan.

On the other hand, when I own my own feelings, I have lots of choices. I can tell you how I feel, I can choose whether or not I want to act on these feelings (no more “the devil made me do it!”), I can learn to understand myself better, I can comfort myself, or ask you to comfort me. Owning your feelings is basic to understanding the boundaries of where I end and you begin, the perfect first step towards self-acceptance and self love.”

The Ethical Slut pp. 65-66


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