…At The Grindstones

{October 11, 2010}   Now or Never

Am I the only one experiencing an exponential growth in the number of people jumping to define every kind of relationship as opposed to letting something naturally develop? Even more than that, they are talking about when things may not be sexy  or good or future issues before any kind of label is placed, often after you just met?

Whatever happened to “I had a great time, hope to see you again”, with no expectation that it could go any further than it just did (whatever that was), because what just happened was great and you’d like that again? Or comfy, or made you happy or whatever. Maybe people are just starved and are trying to “nail a girls fins to the floor” (or guy), as a crab once told me, to make sure you don’t run off and do your own thing.. scary! I’m not saying it’s inappropriate to ask to see someone again, but, there is a limit to how far you should be planning in advance in your head and out loud, for your own health! And for mine. There is a difference between this and sweetness between lovers or people officially dating- get what I mean? Ok read on..

I remember I went on a few pseudo dates back in the spring, looking for new friends in my city who were adventurers like myself. Anyone whose profile said “friends, maybe more” I ignored. I made it clear that I just wanted exactly what I said I did.. and yet, so many people brought up their exes and what they want in romantic relationships blah blah- it was disappointing and overwhelming. As much as I appreciate someone with respect for a good RRSP or savings account, I also appreciate people who can live in the NOW. There seems to be a drought of people content to live in the NOW and appreciate what they have, people nowadays are always wanting more, always wanting something of you that no one else can have, even though every relationship is unique and therefore, without labels they would STILL have something with you that no one else has.

I find it fairly distracting when I am sharing company with another human being, just as it is, and it’s lovely, and they let their minds run with whatever insecurities they have, and blurt something random out or run with future ideas and ruin it for both of us. I’m supportive of people’s social needs BUT if they are thinking of something that will never happen, they are interrupting the NOW with NEVER. It’s now OR never people.

I was thinking of this recently, I met a stranger who I may never see or talk to again and we shared a moment. I’m not in love, I’m not running with possibilities, I’m savoring it and remembering it as a positive, amazing evening that would NEVER happen with so many other people. I don’t know much about them, but I know it was nice to spend time with them in the way that we did.

I had the same thing happen to me last year, for those of you who may have read my post about taking people up on their offers when they don’t mean it  (but offer out of being polite). I met someone awesome there too. They were great company and I haven’t really spoken to them since and didn’t see them long. Probably won’t see them again either.. but it was nice.

If I do see either of these people again, I will enjoy it for what it is again.. they lived in the now and were totally fine with it, and that’s some damn fine company. I’m 99.9 percent sure that neither of them will read this and that’s totally fine.

What am I doing now? Diggin it.


turbu1ence says:


bobaintmyuncle says:

Most times i find it’s people who live in the past and want what used to be be the now. Sometimes the future is too daunting.

Trahern says:

Let’s see…

Live in the now, check. My memory sucks and I don’t really plan ahead.

Appreciate what I have, check. Money, music, definitely. Books, I feel bad for not having read them all yet, so I guess that counts.

Always wanting more, check. I want a house that is built around a swimming pool, but I may never get it.

Always wanting something of someone that no one else can have, check. Love, experience, even just(?) time. I take what’s given. Sometimes I contemplate stealing the rest.

…Meh, we can dream. We can’t not.

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